Warning: Keep knife out of children

Lol, there is a certain someone on my facebook whinging about how being a Knight in Shining armour is so very hard, and, women, if you can't find one, it's all your fault!

Not laughed so fucking hard in a while.

Let me make this clear: I know some genuine knights in shining armour. I'm even marrying one. So I know a few things about them.

They're really easy to spot. They're the ones who, if you press them, will have a tale or two about dropping everything to help a friend in a time of need - it might be throwing themselves the length of the country on short notice, or sitting vigil in a hospital chair, or sitting up all freaking night talking to someone (through a door people) because the person on the other side of it was having a hard time and just needed it.

Let me tell you a little something about knights - real ones, that is:

• They aren't all guys. I know a good many girl knights.
• They don't just save girls. Or people whose pants they want to get into. They save anyone - men, women, kids, old folk, the odd animal; they are equal opportunity heroes.
• They won't go around crowing about what Good People they are - you have to ask them about it.
• They save people because they care about them. Because it's the right thing to do. Because, at the heart of it, they couldn't not save that person.
• They, all of them, understand that, at times, you need to take the armour off. You have to let yourself get saved once in a while. Because everyone stumbles - it's simple human nature. And all of them, eventually, without fail, with more grace than I can put to words, silently dust themselves off, respectfully nod to whoever gave them the hand up, put their gear back on, and trudge back into the fight.

Some of these people I have the deepest honour of being called their friends. I'm incredibly proud of that fact.

Let me tell you a little something that knights I've known will NEVER do:

• They don't whine about how hard it is being good. Being nice. Because to them, being good and being nice aren't facades they put on. They aren't fronts they put effort into. It's just what they are. They're decent, lovely people who can't stand to see anyone else in pain.
• They don't draw attention to that fact. They'll never be the ones jumping up and down screaming 'I did that, I helped!' You can tell who they are, because in a crisis, when everyone else is still making shocked and horrified noises, they'll be the ones who quietly and carefully sidle up to you and ask what they can do to help. Even if it's just being there, or even, at times, understanding they can't help this time.
• They never demand payment for their help. Or expect it. In any way. As matter of fact, my experience with most of them is if you so much as bring up taking them out to dinner in thanks, they'll look really, really awkward.
• Those times when they slip? When they fall? When they need someone else to pick up the pieces for a change? They never blame on anyone else. They most certainly never blame it on an entire subsection of the population. And they never threaten to stop helping people ever again when they do - because that would be like they were threatening to not be themselves.

Which is why I'm laughing.

Because the post from this whiner in question essentially boils down to:
'I KEEP being NICE to girls, but it's SO HARD. (Strike one.) It's so HARD and is MADE WORSE by the fact NONE of them will SLEEP with me after. (Strike two.) Women, I am so ANGRY at you that if you aren't CAREFUL, I will STOP being NICE (Strike three) and I might NOT even sleep with ANY of you EVER again!(Might. Die. Laughing.)'

No, seriously, I can't breathe. Give me a second to stop wheezing.

Ok, sorry, I'm back now. Ahem.

So, yes - this isn't the cry of a knight. Not a genuine one. This is the cry of someone who...well, he doesn't even want to be a knight. Being good and decent and selfless isn't something that someone who comes out with a whine like that can grasp. What he wants to do is look like a knight, because he feels if he does, he'll get laid and be liked. Because he can't grasp the fact that people aren't nice to knights because of what they do. They're nice to knights because of who they are.

There's also the small fact that knights see women as more than walking vagina recepticles, they see them as, y'know, people, but that's all part and parcel of the above, I feel.

So yes - in defense of knights, they are awesome, awesome people. This guy is not one. People out there - please don't confuse the two.