helbling: (vampire)
[personal profile] helbling
Can't be arsed to do screenshots, especially as this is being written while LJ is down to be posted later. But I need to vent.

Under a cut for people who are bored with my whining:

Things I have learned from OLD since the last time:

- If you meet someone's threshold for physical attractiveness, you cannot be a nerd.

- Similarly, if you are a parent, you cannot be a nerd. Because having children forces you to 'grow up'. (Yes, that's right, watching Buffy reruns is apparently a childfree activity only; should Doug and I have a child, someone will be round to forcibly remove any geek memorabilia post haste.) I liked the double implication that his life was lacking any personal interests because of his kids and he resented this, yet my interests, despite matching what his used to be, are childish and self involved. I give that two tennis shoes on a scale of one watery flipflop to I-kick-you-in-the-head-now-boots of OLD first messages.

- You know those 'hi how're you' messages that get sent by those who apparently have no ability to put content in an email, matching their lack of content in their head? Turns out, if you answer one with a similarly blah response ('I'm fine thanks, and you?') they run away.

- Making 'mmmmmm' noises (via text) at me is a good opener.

- Apparently, older guys have declared it open season on younger potential partners. I have no idea if it's a gender neutral open season, as I've yet to recieve any from older ladies, so I'll say it's just guys for now.

Gems from this barrage have included:
* A badly written opening message that consisted of five sentences. These were three of them: "Am single myself but regularly attend clubs and groups and have been to well organised both sexes bi orgies. Very enjoyable. Would like to know more about you please."

*A message where...fuck it, this guy just hit every 'nope!' button I've got. I feel the need for a gif before I go into it.

Let's start?

To begin with, he was 53. Literally old enough to be my father. I have absolutely zero interest in someone outside my defined dating brackets, for reasons that are really well illustrated in this message, actually.

Because I saw this message, and before I opened it I made a deal with myself that if he didn't pull an attitude anywhere in it that smacked of 'my age and experience trump your opinions young female, you should throw your viewpoint out of the window and be guided only by my wisdom' while at the same time maintaining he was young at heart and totally would want to partake in activities that would appeal to someone over 2 decades younger than him I would write him back. That's how certain I was this guy was going to pull one.

How did he do?

3 sentences in.

What else? He opens by expressing joy at 'finally' finding a genuine poly person on OKC.

We're rare, we're not that rare. There's even a category for us now - just state you're looking for non-monogamous people and browse away. Or use the keyword search. Or any of that. Yet apparently, he's been left all on his own in a waste land of monogamous people, and here I am, bearer of a magical *redacted* that he might be able to gain access to!

Oh, other things? Erm, he started trying to be more adventurous last August. He used to larp, and states his pedigree by saying he was one of the original treasure trap larpers but grew out of it. Again with the whole 'young girl, let me emphasize how young you are and how all that you are interested in is childish, come, you should be interested in only the things I am interested in' implication. This, this is why I don't do people decades older than myself, and is why I laugh (because I cannot punch them through the screen) when I get messages claiming they don't look their age or they're young at heart.

As if that is the bit that makes the difference.

Oh, and then he tops it off with this beauty of a paragraph:
"I am also married and our relationship has been poly for some time, although not as active as I would like. Part of the thing in August was finding a ploly partner which enlivened out lives for a short while. She has now found happiness with a new partner who is not poly."

So....when you say you're poly, what you mean is, you went poly, your wife went off with someone else, and now you're single. And claiming to be poly for reasons...I don't even know?

So, now it's time to put on loud music, ideally the stuff I used to dance to at GAY, and be my bad self around the flat to get all my jobs done, for Doug isn't due home from Vienna until 1am if I'm lucky.

So, on that note, I'm peacing out with these slightly more positive gifs:

Date: 2015-03-26 06:55 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wyrddragon.livejournal.com
How utterly charming of them...


helbling: (Default)

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